Realizations

So I as I sit here tonight with a million other things I could be doing, I decided I would write a quick blog post because of something my son said to me.  Now if you are my friend on Facebook, you know that my son has some really great quotes or super hysterical moments.  While most are just funny, every once in a while, he will say something quite profound that really makes you stop and think.  {But all of these moments make me want to live in his little autistic brain, even for just one day.}   It is also those things that, for just an instant, make me forget that he is a little boy and not a wise old man.  But, man oh man, will he ever be a wise (and hysterical) one when the time comes! 

So as I was putting the sheets back on his bed, we were discussing his first sleep over this weekend.   You might think I am the meanest mom ever since he is almost 10 and hasn't had a sleep over, but the truth is, he hasn't had many friends he has ever wanted to have come over and spend the night.  There aren't many boys his age he has ever really connected with.  Please don't mistake this as me saying he doesn't have any friends, just no one close.  You see, Ben doesn't get invited to many birthday parties or sleep overs or even play dates (outside of his one little girl best friend).   Whether or not he notices, I don't really know...but I do. 

But that is neither here nor there.  He will be fine in the friends category, he is awesome, so I am confident he will do fine as he grows older.  Besides, that is not my point tonight.  Tonight as I was making his bed, he said, "Mom, I will probably sleep in on Sunday" (His sleepover is Saturday night).  I said "Son, you never sleep in on the weekends!"  That's when he said "Well, I just think I should try or at least pretend to be like the other boys, because, you know....I'm not really like them."  And he shrugged his shoulders and looked down.

Even as I type this it makes me tear up.  It makes me sad to know that he is getting to the age where he realizes that he thinks differently than other kids.  Not only are we coming into our pre teen years, but we are also realizing our differences between us and our friends.  Yikes! :) That said, of course, my response to him was "What? How are you not like them?" {Not wanting to make a big deal out of it.} He didn't want to discuss it further, he yawned and crawled under his blanket and closed his eyes. 

I am VERY thankful Ben is high-functioning.  He can take care of his own hygiene needs for the most part, he is verbal, and as I tell people who haven't met him, if you don't know much about autism, you'd never know he was different.  But the fact is, he is different.  Even though I am the parent, I think he has taught me far more than I can ever teach him.  I hope you feel the same. 

{So much for a quick blog! ha!}

A hui hoa, friends!