So I as I sit here tonight with a million other things I could be doing, I decided I would write a quick blog post because of something my son said to me. Now if you are my friend on Facebook, you know that my son has some really great quotes or super hysterical moments. While most are just funny, every once in a while, he will say something quite profound that really makes you stop and think. {But all of these moments make me want to live in his little autistic brain, even for just one day.} It is also those things that, for just an instant, make me forget that he is a little boy and not a wise old man. But, man oh man, will he ever be a wise (and hysterical) one when the time comes!
So as I was putting the sheets back on his bed, we were discussing his first sleep over this weekend. You might think I am the meanest mom ever since he is almost 10 and hasn't had a sleep over, but the truth is, he hasn't had many friends he has ever wanted to have come over and spend the night. There aren't many boys his age he has ever really connected with. Please don't mistake this as me saying he doesn't have any friends, just no one close. You see, Ben doesn't get invited to many birthday parties or sleep overs or even play dates (outside of his one little girl best friend). Whether or not he notices, I don't really know...but I do.
But that is neither here nor there. He will be fine in the friends category, he is awesome, so I am confident he will do fine as he grows older. Besides, that is not my point tonight. Tonight as I was making his bed, he said, "Mom, I will probably sleep in on Sunday" (His sleepover is Saturday night). I said "Son, you never sleep in on the weekends!" That's when he said "Well, I just think I should try or at least pretend to be like the other boys, because, you know....I'm not really like them." And he shrugged his shoulders and looked down.
Even as I type this it makes me tear up. It makes me sad to know that he is getting to the age where he realizes that he thinks differently than other kids. Not only are we coming into our pre teen years, but we are also realizing our differences between us and our friends. Yikes! :) That said, of course, my response to him was "What? How are you not like them?" {Not wanting to make a big deal out of it.} He didn't want to discuss it further, he yawned and crawled under his blanket and closed his eyes.
I am VERY thankful Ben is high-functioning. He can take care of his own hygiene needs for the most part, he is verbal, and as I tell people who haven't met him, if you don't know much about autism, you'd never know he was different. But the fact is, he is different. Even though I am the parent, I think he has taught me far more than I can ever teach him. I hope you feel the same.
{So much for a quick blog! ha!}
A hui hoa, friends!
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Blogging is Back
Long time no blog! For those of you that don't know, I go to school (finishing a bachelors degree), work full time and am a single parent. Unfortunately, when something has to go, it's the blog! Even though they are few and far between, I really just get too busy to remember to do it. Ben and I have been having fun and I have a bit of free time, so the blogging is back...for now. Ben is getting older (now 9 1/2!) and getting ready to enter the 4th grade. Along with that comes intelligence and questions. Lots and lots...and LOTS of questions. I thought it was bad when he was 2-3 in his "Why" phase, but that phase has nothing on him now. Nearly every sentence starts with "I have a question...." However now the questions are more difficult to explain and I am having to Google (or "Doodle" as Ben used to say "Mom, if you don't know, Doodle it") his questions more and more. Ben is a very literal child, so I have to choose my words wisely. So this has been my life for about the past year or so.
Here is how our Father's Day weekend went: Months ago, Ben decided he wanted to go camping. I got together with a few of my other single mom friends and we decided on a "family" trip. With about 15 folks in tow, we went off to our favorite camping spot and set up camp. Ben swam in a lake, played with other kids and while I let him take his Nintendo DS, he wasn't on it all day and night. We had s'mores, hot dogs, brats and eggs over a fire. Slept in a tent (on an air mattress, of course!), walked down the middle of a river and were tortured by raccoons and Ben loved every single minute of it. I can't wait to do it again, hopefully next time we will choose a less hot weekend, but that's all part of making memories.
Today is Father's Day. I have always been a single mother. Ben and I haven't ever "celebrated" Fathers Day. On Friday, as we were getting ready to leave for our camping trip, Ben and I discussed that I am his only parent (we have this discussion about once every 3 months) and he "guesses" that he should celebrate me on Fathers Day this year (completely his decision). We went on the fun camping trip with our friends but came home late last night instead of today. So, this morning Ben woke me up after he made me breakfast (a piece of cheese and a piece of ham wrapped in a tortilla), snuggled with me and then decided he was going to cook a dinner of his choosing...nachos. We bought all the stuff and came home to cook. He (well, mostly me, but if you ask him, he did "almost all of it") cooked dinner and then he raved about what an excellent cook he was. Whether or not he will want to continue this tradition remains to be seen, but I LOVED this Father's Day. :) Hope the father or father figure in your life did as well!
A hui hoa friends!
Here is how our Father's Day weekend went: Months ago, Ben decided he wanted to go camping. I got together with a few of my other single mom friends and we decided on a "family" trip. With about 15 folks in tow, we went off to our favorite camping spot and set up camp. Ben swam in a lake, played with other kids and while I let him take his Nintendo DS, he wasn't on it all day and night. We had s'mores, hot dogs, brats and eggs over a fire. Slept in a tent (on an air mattress, of course!), walked down the middle of a river and were tortured by raccoons and Ben loved every single minute of it. I can't wait to do it again, hopefully next time we will choose a less hot weekend, but that's all part of making memories.
Today is Father's Day. I have always been a single mother. Ben and I haven't ever "celebrated" Fathers Day. On Friday, as we were getting ready to leave for our camping trip, Ben and I discussed that I am his only parent (we have this discussion about once every 3 months) and he "guesses" that he should celebrate me on Fathers Day this year (completely his decision). We went on the fun camping trip with our friends but came home late last night instead of today. So, this morning Ben woke me up after he made me breakfast (a piece of cheese and a piece of ham wrapped in a tortilla), snuggled with me and then decided he was going to cook a dinner of his choosing...nachos. We bought all the stuff and came home to cook. He (well, mostly me, but if you ask him, he did "almost all of it") cooked dinner and then he raved about what an excellent cook he was. Whether or not he will want to continue this tradition remains to be seen, but I LOVED this Father's Day. :) Hope the father or father figure in your life did as well!
A hui hoa friends!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
IEP's and Other Fun Stuff!
What's up folks! We are still alive and kicking in Oklahoma! Things are going great, not a whole lot has changed. Waiting for beautiful weather and more time outdoors and of course Benjamin's big horse show.
Began our second semester of school with lots of trouble. It took Ben about a month to get back into the swing of things and even thing, it was tough. IEP's (Individualized Education Program) are a b****. lol Pardon my asterisks! If you haven't had to help create one, be thankful! It's hard finding the proper balance for your child. I sure don't want Ben's education handed to him on a platter, but I also don't want his school life so difficult he just gives up. I never thought I'd have to tell a teacher that I just wanted them to focus on educating my child and let his other services work on his social skills. While I realize it goes hand in hand, I'm afraid of his education slipping away from him and he just gets pushed forward because he is a special needs child. At this point, he gets Occupational therapy twice a week, Speech therapy twice a week, and therapy with licensed therapists 6 times per week all in addition to his hippotherapy. Phew. I'm tired just thinking about it! Still sometimes I feel he's regressing and it's frustrating for both of us.
On a funner note, I went to pick him up from daycare today and here he comes holding hands with his little friend Sophia (Sophia is an adorable little hispanic girl that Ben just loves hanging out with. He talks about her all the time at home and how sweet she is to him). At this point even the teachers are giggling because they are just like a little teenage couple, holding hands walking around the playground. Ben introduced me to her and we both smiled and said hi, then Ben let go of her hand and she giggled and ran off. As we were collecting Ben's things, she came running in across the gym yelling his name. They walked to the fountian together for a drink and she started to walk off and turned around, looked at me and said "I think he likes me", then flipped her hair and started shaking her little hiney as she walked down the hall. Funniest thing ever. I asked him if Sophia was his "girlfriend" and he said "HECK NO!" lol Kids are so funny...
Began our second semester of school with lots of trouble. It took Ben about a month to get back into the swing of things and even thing, it was tough. IEP's (Individualized Education Program) are a b****. lol Pardon my asterisks! If you haven't had to help create one, be thankful! It's hard finding the proper balance for your child. I sure don't want Ben's education handed to him on a platter, but I also don't want his school life so difficult he just gives up. I never thought I'd have to tell a teacher that I just wanted them to focus on educating my child and let his other services work on his social skills. While I realize it goes hand in hand, I'm afraid of his education slipping away from him and he just gets pushed forward because he is a special needs child. At this point, he gets Occupational therapy twice a week, Speech therapy twice a week, and therapy with licensed therapists 6 times per week all in addition to his hippotherapy. Phew. I'm tired just thinking about it! Still sometimes I feel he's regressing and it's frustrating for both of us.
On a funner note, I went to pick him up from daycare today and here he comes holding hands with his little friend Sophia (Sophia is an adorable little hispanic girl that Ben just loves hanging out with. He talks about her all the time at home and how sweet she is to him). At this point even the teachers are giggling because they are just like a little teenage couple, holding hands walking around the playground. Ben introduced me to her and we both smiled and said hi, then Ben let go of her hand and she giggled and ran off. As we were collecting Ben's things, she came running in across the gym yelling his name. They walked to the fountian together for a drink and she started to walk off and turned around, looked at me and said "I think he likes me", then flipped her hair and started shaking her little hiney as she walked down the hall. Funniest thing ever. I asked him if Sophia was his "girlfriend" and he said "HECK NO!" lol Kids are so funny...
Monday, December 12, 2011
Mi Vida Loca
So I wanted to blog at least one more time before the end of the year. Since the last time we last met, we have celebrated my brother in law's birthday, my son's birthday, my birthday and today is my sisters birthday (happy birthday T-Pod!). We had a very small med change for Ben's ADHD (a 5 mg change) and we have had an insanely crazy month. I felt like the 10mg wasn't doing much for him anymore but the 5mg change was WAY too much for him. I have spent several nights crying after he goes to bed because it's been so hard. He is a completely different child off his medication. It's days like those that I realize that I do love my son unconditionally.
A day with too much, too little or no meds usually contains one (or more) email(s) from his teachers at school, no homework getting done, bed 30 minutes to an hour earlier (which puts it around 7-730pm), and one or both of us yelling and/or in tears. Not to mention his screeching, constant noise making, hissing (imagine an angry cat), spitting and of course the hateful words that come out of his mouth. There are other things but my goal is to vent (for me) and educate (for you, hopefully!) -- NOT to embarrass my son, so I choose not to share every single detail. So you can imagine my frustration.
Now, you are more than welcome to judge me for using medication. I am completely secure in my decision. While I hate to "medicate" my son, he is and has never been a "zombie". I keep him on the lowest possible dose that is still effective. The meds have never changed who he is as a person, caused him any pain, nor has he had any side effects. I monitor his health closely and ensure he is always feeling ok on his meds. My son can collect his thoughts and focus on his work and behavior for longer periods of time. While he also has bad days on his medication, they aren't as frequent as without. I should also mention that I feel ADHD is very over diagnosed and only a parent knows their child...no one should ever unnecessarily medicate their child...for any reason. You should also note that I never said this was medication for his Autism. :)
Sorry, yet another soapbox for me! I'm off! A hui hoa, friends.
A day with too much, too little or no meds usually contains one (or more) email(s) from his teachers at school, no homework getting done, bed 30 minutes to an hour earlier (which puts it around 7-730pm), and one or both of us yelling and/or in tears. Not to mention his screeching, constant noise making, hissing (imagine an angry cat), spitting and of course the hateful words that come out of his mouth. There are other things but my goal is to vent (for me) and educate (for you, hopefully!) -- NOT to embarrass my son, so I choose not to share every single detail. So you can imagine my frustration.
Now, you are more than welcome to judge me for using medication. I am completely secure in my decision. While I hate to "medicate" my son, he is and has never been a "zombie". I keep him on the lowest possible dose that is still effective. The meds have never changed who he is as a person, caused him any pain, nor has he had any side effects. I monitor his health closely and ensure he is always feeling ok on his meds. My son can collect his thoughts and focus on his work and behavior for longer periods of time. While he also has bad days on his medication, they aren't as frequent as without. I should also mention that I feel ADHD is very over diagnosed and only a parent knows their child...no one should ever unnecessarily medicate their child...for any reason. You should also note that I never said this was medication for his Autism. :)
Sorry, yet another soapbox for me! I'm off! A hui hoa, friends.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
A Day in the Life of a Cowboy...
Just a quick update on us. My kiddo has gone from group hippotherapy (therapeutic horseback riding), to individual lessons. Essentially this means riding with two side walkers, one lead and an instructor in the center of the area to riding with only the instructor in the center of the area. No lead rope to show the horse where to go. No side walkers to make sure my 7 year old baby boy doesn't fall off. Just him, the horse and the instructor. You can imagine my anxiety. The first session, the instructor walked him in on the lead rope and half way through she took it off.
While he started off close, she eventually pushed him back to ride the fence.
Learning to keep Raven on the fence.
He loves every minute of it.
Ben is learning both Western and English riding and uses English tack. He absolutely adores Raven, the long haired black beauty is on in the pictures. He is working hard towards his next horse show this spring too. Tonight his instructor told me that the director of our hippotherapy group has never seen Ben ride outside of our previous group. When she walked in the barn, Ben was sitting still and proud and very quiet on Raven. The director apparently asked if Ben was scared and his instructor said he wasn't, he was just being serious. He has grown so much and thanks to Jennifer (his instructor) and her beautiful Raven, he will continue to do grow and learn in so many ways. It's amazing to watch.
Though it may not look like it, the 4 of these kids are paying attention to Jennifer. Patiently watching and learning about tack and techniques.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
We're baaaack!
Don't count me out just yet! I've been thinking about updating my blog for quite some time, but as we all know, life gets in the way. But here we are, sneaking up behind ya!
That said -- not much has changed. My kiddo and I are just working hard on maintaining. The last time I blogged, I mentioned how the change of returning to school was killing us. Fortunately, I think it's slowly being accepted. And yes, it's taken this long. I hate that it's midway through the semester and then we get to Christmas break and it's another change. It's a constant struggle. Such is life I suppose. On a positive note, we had parent teacher conferences today and they had nothing but good things to say about Ben. Of course we need to work on a few things, but overall, he's doing well in school which makes me even prouder (as if that's possible!).
I love that I learn more and more about Ben and see him grow and improve through his therapies. I don't see as much improvement from his school therapies (occupational and speech), but a dramatic difference with his therapists out of school. Not only is he learning how to appropriately act around children his own age, he is maturing, physically functioning better and has a vocabulary that's blowing up. Now every time he disagrees with something I do I get a "Mom! That's INappropriate!" lol He is also becoming more confident in his abilities and slowly becoming more comfortable with himself....the most important person.
My return to blogging will be short (-er than usual!) and sweet this time, but I leave you with this "mature" conversation with my son:
That said -- not much has changed. My kiddo and I are just working hard on maintaining. The last time I blogged, I mentioned how the change of returning to school was killing us. Fortunately, I think it's slowly being accepted. And yes, it's taken this long. I hate that it's midway through the semester and then we get to Christmas break and it's another change. It's a constant struggle. Such is life I suppose. On a positive note, we had parent teacher conferences today and they had nothing but good things to say about Ben. Of course we need to work on a few things, but overall, he's doing well in school which makes me even prouder (as if that's possible!).
I love that I learn more and more about Ben and see him grow and improve through his therapies. I don't see as much improvement from his school therapies (occupational and speech), but a dramatic difference with his therapists out of school. Not only is he learning how to appropriately act around children his own age, he is maturing, physically functioning better and has a vocabulary that's blowing up. Now every time he disagrees with something I do I get a "Mom! That's INappropriate!" lol He is also becoming more confident in his abilities and slowly becoming more comfortable with himself....the most important person.
My return to blogging will be short (-er than usual!) and sweet this time, but I leave you with this "mature" conversation with my son:
- Ben: "Mom, when I grow up, I'm moving away with my family."
- Me: "Aw you're going to leave me all alone?"
- Ben: "I'm going to move away and live with my own family like you live with your own family, Mom. But we will come visit you"
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Wreaking Havoc!!
School has officially started and my little Bronco has ponied up and moved on to 2nd grade. I struggled all summer with holding him back and decided that if I'm going to do it, I need to do it when it matters most and I just didn't feel like 1st grade was it. That advice came from a good friend (well, her dad! lol) but I think it was great advice. With an actual diagnosis of developmental delays, I really think that only time, patience and extra services will be the most beneficial at this point in his life. So wish me luck. :)
So since school has started...it's been wreaking havoc on our home life. My son is adorable and says the cutest and sometimes, sweetest things, but by the time he gets home from school he is a hot mess in a pair of Air Jordan's. I have to admit...it's flat out hard. My voice keeps gets louder as the night goes on and he keeps ignoring me and yelling random words and noises because he is equally frustrated but doesn't know how to voice it. I know what your thinking - all kids are frustrating. This is true...and very different. Ben sometimes doesn't HAVE words to try to get out of going to bed. He has yelling (usually just the word Mommy), making noises at the top of his lungs which sometimes include motorboat noises and lots of slobber, and sometime just a frustrated yell and spitting on the floor. My son has a mouth that just won't quit (where on EARTH did he get that from??) Now keep in mind, it does start out simple usually...but there is NO discussion or direction following. If he disagrees, he immediately launches into his rant. I feel like a terrible parent having to yell at him for simple things like picking up, taking a bath, going to bed or brushing his teeth....but I know I have to keep control of the situation. (Insert big, exhausted sigh here). It definitely wasn't this bad when he came home from daycare during the summer, I can't figure out why. So wish me luck on working to help him correct his behavior and helping him find the words to use when he's frustrated or excited. I love my little punk more than anything and I just want him to be successful and happy and most importantly, I want him to be a KID, while he actually is a kid. I hate being the big bad mommy, but I guess someone has to do it! :)
On a side note..I am finally on the downhill slide with MY school. I started OU this fall (though still an OSU fan) on my Criminal Justice degree, still a ways to go, but getting closer! :)
So since school has started...it's been wreaking havoc on our home life. My son is adorable and says the cutest and sometimes, sweetest things, but by the time he gets home from school he is a hot mess in a pair of Air Jordan's. I have to admit...it's flat out hard. My voice keeps gets louder as the night goes on and he keeps ignoring me and yelling random words and noises because he is equally frustrated but doesn't know how to voice it. I know what your thinking - all kids are frustrating. This is true...and very different. Ben sometimes doesn't HAVE words to try to get out of going to bed. He has yelling (usually just the word Mommy), making noises at the top of his lungs which sometimes include motorboat noises and lots of slobber, and sometime just a frustrated yell and spitting on the floor. My son has a mouth that just won't quit (where on EARTH did he get that from??) Now keep in mind, it does start out simple usually...but there is NO discussion or direction following. If he disagrees, he immediately launches into his rant. I feel like a terrible parent having to yell at him for simple things like picking up, taking a bath, going to bed or brushing his teeth....but I know I have to keep control of the situation. (Insert big, exhausted sigh here). It definitely wasn't this bad when he came home from daycare during the summer, I can't figure out why. So wish me luck on working to help him correct his behavior and helping him find the words to use when he's frustrated or excited. I love my little punk more than anything and I just want him to be successful and happy and most importantly, I want him to be a KID, while he actually is a kid. I hate being the big bad mommy, but I guess someone has to do it! :)
On a side note..I am finally on the downhill slide with MY school. I started OU this fall (though still an OSU fan) on my Criminal Justice degree, still a ways to go, but getting closer! :)
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